The Path to Passion

Your passions make you a better mum, here's how to find them again.

I know the feeling well. The sense that wanting something for yourself – time, space, an interest that has nothing to do with anyone else’s needs – somehow makes you a lesser parent. I felt it too, and it’s the reason I started Passion Collective in 2014 when I was navigating new motherhood, a demanding career and wondering how on earth other people managed to keep doing the things they loved.

Were they just better at this thing called life? They weren’t. They’d simply stopped waiting for permission.

THE TRUTH ABOUT “MUM GUILT”

The “Mum Guilt” that rears its ugly head whenever we think about – let alone spend time with – our own passions is a sign that we care. That love is rarely something we want to leave behind. However, the guilt is telling us that we’ve bought into a story that isn’t necessarily true; that a good mother always puts herself last, and wanting more is something to be ashamed of.

The research tells a different story. When we engage consistently with what we love (what academics call “harmonious passions”), we’re less stressed, more present, and more patient.

BECOME A PROUD DABBLER

The main barrier we all have is time. We are running through our days, and the thought of dedicating a few hours to anything beyond the day-to-day can feel totally out of reach.

This is where “dabbling” comes in – and bear with me, because it gets an unfair reputation! We tend to think of dabbling as half-hearted, uncommitted, what you faff around with before you find your “real” passion. But in my book, Born to Buzz, I make the case for being a Proud Dabbler: someone who explores with curiosity and without the pressure to excel or turn a hobby into a million pound side hustle.

Dabbling is how most people actually find what lights them up. It means we don’t have to wait for that thunderbolt moment of clarity; we can try a series of small, low-stakes experiments that gradually point us toward our passions.

AN EASY WAY TO START

First, promise yourself you’ll allow one hour this weekend to dabble. If you need to, get your spouse to cover, or even book a babysitter for an hour!

Then, start with one thing that makes you even slightly curious. Try it without expectation. If it sparks something, stay with it. If it doesn’t, note what you’ll do next.

Now, here’s the most important step. If you’re comfortable, share your dabbling with a friend. Let’s say you’ve got back into knitting, and for that hour, you knitted half a scarf. It may be unfinished, and perhaps imperfect. Do not let that stop you – share your “dabbling” with someone close to you who’ll support you. Tell them what you’ve done - something like “Ta-da! Look what I’ve done!” - and see how that feels. Remember that their reaction doesn’t matter (although they’ll probably be amazed at your progress). Instead, you’re proudly embracing your “dabbling”.

Above all, even on those long days, remember that you haven’t lost yourself in parenthood. You’ve just been last on your own list for a while. Dabbling is how you find your way back.

Laura Best is a keynote speaker, coach and bestselling author of Born to Buzz: How to Spark Your Passions (Without Quitting It All). She founded Passion Collective in 2014 to help people rediscover what it means to truly love their lives again. She’s also both a mum and stepmum, and can be found at www.passioncollective.co