A Growth Mindset in Action
10 Ways To Help Your Young Child Foster & Apply a Growth Mindset
You might have heard of the term ‘Growth Mindset’ coined by the psychologist Dr. Carol Dweck, many times. We know it can have a huge impact on how we see ourselves, the world around us and our capability to be successful. But how on earth do we instil this mindset in our toddlers? And what does a growth mindset in action actually look like?
Let’s start by looking at the opposite. A child with a fixed mindset, is a child who believes that their capability is fixed; either they can or can’t and they will often shy away from taking risks where the outcome might prove the point that they can’t. Tasks are approached with the goal of looking smart, mistakes and hard work simply pull their abilities into question.
What’s the long-term impact of adopting a growth mindset?
Fostering a growth mindset in your child takes work but the gains are endless. You’re literally setting your child up for success by helping them understand their potential to grow and develop. Our view of ourselves determines everything; how we think, feel and behave. If your child sees themselves as someone capable of growth, they are much more likely to try new things, take risks, accept mistakes and learn from setbacks rather than take them personally.
So how do we do it? 10 simple ways to foster a growth mindset…
1. Praise the process not the outcome
If your child only ever hears you praise the success of the outcome, they learn that is the only thing that matters. Instead, look to praise the specific skills they showed or mindset they applied. It might sound like:
“Wow, you completed the puzzle! What really made me smile was how you kept trying different pieces when they didn’t work! It was frustrating, but you kept trying!”
2. Build the narrative that ‘challenge’ is good
Very early on, children often learn that being challenged and doing something ‘hard’ is a negative thing. We can easily change this narrative. Think about how they hear you talk about challenge and find opportunities to say, “This is tricky - this is exciting!” or “I haven’t tried this before, learning new things is fun!”. We know young children watch and learn from how we respond, so let them see you relish the opportunity to stretch yourself rather than be fearful.
3. Remind them of their progress
Children quickly forget the progress they’ve made and how far they’ve come. By reminding them that when they started, they couldn’t yet do the activity but now they have mastered it, it helps them to understand that ‘can’t’ doesn’t mean forever. This might sound like:
“Remember when you first tried putting your coat on yourself? It was tricky and you couldn’t do it… now look. You’ve been practising and now you can!”
4. Model your own growth mindset in action
The easiest way to show your child a growth mindset in action is to narrate your own inner thoughts. This is beneficial not just for them but also makes us more mindful of the way we speak to ourselves! Let them hear self-compassion and reflection rather than negative self talk. This might sound like:
“I’m getting this wrong, that’s ok it’s something new to me”. Or “I need to give myself a chance to learn how to do this”.
5. Learn to laugh at yourself
Learning to laugh at yourself and not taking things too seriously can have a positive impact on your mindset and is a very underrated skill. Teaching our children to put things into perspective and modelling how we can laugh at ourselves when we mess up or make mistakes, means they are much more likely to have a grounded sense of self. This might seem a small thing now, but if they’ve developed this skill early on, they may be more ready to shrug off a setback or laugh off a misdemeanour as they grow up.
6. Explore the unfamiliar & uncomfortable
Young children love familiarity and predictability. It brings them comfort and confidence. It’s also important to find opportunities to try new things and a great way to do this is as a family. Pick an activity that might be new for you all and let your little one see you struggle. It could be climbing, tennis, trampolining… anything goes, but the important thing is they see you getting comfortable with being outside of your comfort zone and being challenged.
7. Model making mistakes
Being accepting of making mistakes rather than crumbling at them is another mark of a growth mindset. You can help your child become more accepting of their own mistakes by modelling this to them. Find opportunities such as when you’re cooking and the recipe goes wrong, or while you’re drawing or making a birthday card you could misspell a word and show them your reaction. Rather than throw the cake away or scrunch up the card, say out loud “Oops I got that bit wrong, that’s ok I’m learning as I go!”. If we want young children to have a positive response to making mistakes, we have to let them see those around them make them and react positively too.
8. Look for the back story
Children are often in awe of those around them who appear to be able to do things they can’t. Whether it’s their peers or famous people, they often focus on the success and fail to see the back story. What an opportunity while they’re young, to help them get curious about what’s behind the success! This could be simply saying out loud, “I wonder how they got so good at that?” or “I bet that took lots of hard work”.
9. Show me the hard part
Ever heard your little one say ‘It’s too tricky! I can’t do it!”? A simple way of helping a young child develop resilience and a growth mindset is helping them get really specific about which part of a task is challenging. When your little one says they want to give up, try saying “Show me the hard part”. This encourages them to identify the particular part they’re struggling with and helps them see often, it’s just one small part of a task rather than the entire thing. Whether it’s a Lego brick that won’t attach or a sleeve that’s inside out, ‘show me the hard part’ helps them see that the problem is often surmountable.
10. I can’t YET
You’ve probably heard of the power of the word YET. I can’t tie my shoe laces… yet. I can’t ride my bike without stabilisers… YET. Why not make a ‘YET’ wall in your kitchen and get the whole family to write on a post-it note something they can’t do YET. I’ll never forget the impact it had on my boys when I learnt to drive in my late 30s. If you can choose an activity to write on your post-it note that other people your age typically might be able to do (but you can’t yet), it’s a really powerful thing to model. And of course as you practise and learn, you might all be able to move your post-it notes to the ‘CAN’ wall and then choose a new ‘YET’ activity!
Fostering a growth mindset in a young child isn’t about developing a perfect learner, it’s about helping them grow their confidence, take risks and learn that their self-worth is not dependent on the success of their performance.
Louise Treherne is Head of Families at The Happy Confident Company, where she leads The Happy Confident Club, providing families with the tools and strategies to turn difficult moments into calm, meaningful conversations. Louise is an ex-teacher, deputy head and now a qualified coach.
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